Hello my friends, hello
Welcome to my blog. I am glad you found me. You might be new here, as I have been in the process of deleting facebook and I have offered this blog space as a way to keep in touch with me, to visit virtually.
I am chest-deep in this process of leaving facebook. It is messy, like a super nova event. Like the birth of a star, or the particles that are birthed from a black hole. I understand why it is so hard to leave facebook, as I have been in this boat that is so pointed and sure for awhile now, yet even in all my clarity around this decision, there have been so many moments when I want to put my oar in and do a hard about turn.
It is much harder to leave than I had imagined, yet I do have faith that there is an end in sight. After I unfriend or 2104 people unfriend me, after I meticulously delete all of my posts and pages and untag myself. Yes, there were easier ways. Yet what surprised me the most about this process is that I have so many friends on facebook that are dead.
As in, not alive. They died, and either did not have their fb wishes known, or they died and did want a memorial page. I realized that if I just leave, my name and connection to people on facebook through our "friending" will withstand the tests of time, it will remain until either I or the other person actually clicks "unfriend". It was hard to see all the people I had lost in the last 11 years. To click unfriend, to let them go. It was hard to see their faces again, to be reminded of the loss, again.
It is hard to click unfriend to people who did not reach out to give me their address in my overflowing and well-loved "back to the 80's" address book. I have had to come to peace with letting people go, without any clear way of reaching them.
A peace. A resolve. A hope, that at the end of this process, I will know it was the right thing to do, with absolute clarity. I do strongly feel that this is the right thing to do, not just for me, but for others who know me, who are connected with me.
As I am writing this, I have a stack of 200 blank postcards and 200 ready to go stamps. I have about 200 addresses in my address book, a lot lot more than I had "way back in the 80's", when I was a young girl filled with all the hopes and dreams.
these are the days
when one takes a stand
as others watch her fire burning strong
all in the center of the sun, swimming
these are the moments
where one listens to the nudges of spirit and dreams of Ancestors wrapped around
as a blanket
one is obedient, clear and steady
the place where the hard becomes soft again
these are the days
I am looking forward to the moments where I share with you, in person. Perhaps performing, maybe it is a phone call. Maybe I am reading poetry or dancing, or we see eachother in a convention hall or at a restaurant. Maybe it is when you get your postcard in the mail, and your heart smiles big. And that big smile moves towards me, like the ocean moves towards the edge. Yes. Thank you for you caring about me and my work, my visions and thoughts and dreams. I feel you, and I keep the fire burning. Thank you for sending me energy hugs and love balls that stick to the .undersides of my feet. Thank you for throwing protective elements around my home, around my loved ones and my doggie. I feel it, I know this love. This love of connection and friendship, two stars beaming next to one another in the sky. Thank you.
Above, excerpts from my now defunct Instagram page.
What a blessed time of reflection you and I are experiencing.
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Allison Akootchook Warden