Goodbye Book of Faces
Today is Sunday, November 22nd. I have done it. I have pulled the plug and deleted my facebook account. It will take a full 30 days to go into effect, and up to 90 days for everything to be deleted.
I had tried to delete it before, yet I had the unmanageable goal of deleting all of my content on fb, and also deleting all of my friends, so that when leaving it would be just a total blank slate. Yet this task was too much for me to take on, and I had gone from 5,000 friends to a very tight 700 friends, and I hovered there for awhile, as I justified hanging onto it because I was utilizing Marketplace to sell my things for a move.
It was hard for me to also let go of the 705 people that I was having hard time deleting in the first place. This was my Ego being attached to being connected to these folks, and I had to see it for what it was and I now trust that if I am meant to be in touch with the folks on facebook, we will find a way.
I had made a big proclamation before I attempted to delete the first time, and through that process, many people gave me their physical snail mail address to add to my "back to the 80's" address book, so I did have a way to reach most people who wanted to stay connected with me in some form.
I realized that some of my friends/family were inspired by my initial push to delete fb all the way back in January 2020, and they actually followed through with it and deleted their accounts right away. I don't know if I inspired them, but I remember talking with them about my reasons for leaving, and they must have found their own reasons to leave. In turn, they inspired me to pull the trigger and leave.
So many reasons for leaving. I most look forward to an update a year from now, so that I can talk about how much better my life is for letting it go. Everyone is different, this is the right choice for me.
Breaking through the membrane
It has been awhile since I have had the clarity and energy to share here, on my website. Here, with the world that knows to tune into me.
If you know me, then you might have heard that my Mom passed away unexpectedly (non-covid related) at the end of May, 2020. With her death, I sunk like a ship sinks, down down to the bottom of the ocean. I lived with the coral, the debris, the fishes sang me redemption songs and the seaweed told me stories of quantum entanglements.
I slept on the ocean floor, as my tools managed to self-select and surface up, up, up, waiting for me to remember how to emerge from hibernation. How to break the membrane, like cracking a fresh egg.
And yesterday, on the new moon, I broke through the membrane, the skin of all of the skins. And if you are connected with me, already you know intuitively of my transcend-dance, as you and I are connected as particles that prove Bell's Theorem, again and again, the proof surfaces, like a bowhead whale taking a breath before submerging to sing songs to the seals.
I emerged with a new technology, an armor that I didn't know I needed. Yet, now, through lived experience, it has been welded with precision. I am a surgeon, my gloves are on.
In my dreams, the audience waited and waited and waited patiently for my concert, and I told them jokes to make them laugh before I began, yet when I was ready to begin in the dream time, I woke up in this living dream, the one where I type words on a screen, reaching out to those who cannot help but love me.
I had gone into a hibernation, because that is what felt the safest. I had been attacked from all sides, from jealous other artists who thought it was a game to besmirch my name, yet now they know that I will not be suppressed, my Ancestors will not allow me to hide my light because of possible misguided (hurt people) who feel they need to attack my shine.
And my Mother was the heartbeat of my world. She still visits me in my dreams, yet the recalibration of my center on the fly and unexpectedly was a big huge swim stroke, a big movement, sinking deep into the floor of the ocean, restringing my DNA onto a loom, a loom that I almost forgot to bring with me.
For those who have been trying to reach me, I have surfaced again. Indefatigably an artist, an artist who is an aesthetic surgeon, my hands held steady by my Ancestors, who are so close and near.
For those who tried to break me, even at my lowest, I forgive you and absolve you, for holding you in a resentment pattern only holds me there too, so I release you as sparks up from the flame. You are free and I am free. Yet I will remember always your faces, your misguided moments, and I will stand a tougher guard. You already know. The next time you try to hit, it will not be like the first time, as now I wear my suit that my great-great-great grandmother sewed for me while I lay at the bottom of the sea. I wear my armour well and it does do its job.
This is the point of release. Sparks rising up, up, up.... I have returned to claim my own tools, that have been waiting for me. I have emerged, breaking through the membrane.
It is good to be back again, fresh fresh fresh.
And for those who held me as a Sister, tight, defending me and protecting me and sending me vibrations of peace and love as I sank into all of the storms until I found stillness, I remember you too. I know you without you making your name known, for once again, remember, we are forever connected.
Allison Akootchook Warden