Hello everyone, from New York City. I am here to attend the APAP conference, and to perform. I am here to meet with friends, and hopefully meet with potential business partners. I am here to soak up the city of New York, where I once lived. It does feel like coming home.
I apologize for not posting for awhile. I feel I am now re-emerged from my own dark night of the soul. I have been focused on my healing journey, and I had been stubbornly holding onto ideas, modalities, ways of being that were no longer serving me. Through persistent, focused effort, I feel I found a break through, I find myself now on new, sacred ground.
Last night in my dreams, I had a ziploc bag of what seemed to be my own organs and blood. To me, it was trash, I was taking out the trash. I went to the ocean, where there was a special trash receptacle at the shore. I was balancing on top of the bridge, on a teal steel beam. I stopped, unwilling to make the trek to the water. Something stopped me, perhaps it was fear. Perhaps it was my attachment to my need to "be right", or my own stubborness, my attachment to the way that I have made sense of the world. I am not sure, but I was stuck atop the bridge, with my beautiful view.
Just then, a storm arose. The ocean water swept me up, up up. I let go of my organ bag, and I grabbed ahold of a thick, white rope. I held onto the rope, as I swung in a circle, dipping in and out of the ocean three times. I was screaming for help from my Mom, who had a view of what was going on, but was laughing and unconcerned. I remember the rush of the water, the taste of the salt, the complete submergence of all who I am.
And then, the water calmed. My organ bag was gone. I felt renewed, different. I held no anger in my heart, towards anyone. Three big dips in the cool clear ocean, a storm that was more of an embrace than something abrasive.
And here, I sit in front of this screen, awash with love for situations that I had held my point of view so strongly, I let go of my need to be right, or to be perceived as right, I let go of my calcified rightness, I allow the love to wash through me, sweeping me to a new, more whole place.
Anew, reborn. Filled with love and forgiveness. From this place of power, I move forward. Soaking in my big big city home.
Allison Akootchook Warden